People in town get a water bill. You got a system — a well, a pump, a pressure tank, a septic tank and a drain field — and nobody handed you a manual for any of it when you signed for the house.
So most folks run it blind until something stops. And the things that stop out here are expensive in a way a water bill never is.
Here's the part worth knowing, and it's the reason for this book: none of it fails all at once. A drain field tells you for a year or two before it quits. A pump tells you for weeks. The signs are in your yard and at your faucets right now, and every one of them is easy to read once somebody's shown you.
What your place may already be telling you
- A strip of grass over the field that stays greener than the rest of the lawn through a dry August.
- The pump clicking on and off while you're standing in the shower.
- You've had the tank pumped twice in fourteen months and nobody told you that isn't a tank problem.
- You don't know where your tank lid is, and neither does anybody else.
- The water's never been tested, or it was tested the year you bought the place.
- You're buying a country house in the spring and no one's told you what to ask.
Everything on that list has a plain cause and a plain answer, and about half of them you can check yourself this weekend for nothing.
The trade isn't going to tell you most of this, and I'll be honest about why: nobody's paid to. A pumper gets paid to pump. That's the honest reason and it isn't a good one, so this book is me telling you anyway — including the parts where my own trade falls short.
Inside the book
YOURS, THEIRS or NOBODY'S
Every job in the book carries one of three verdicts, so you always know which side of the line you're standing on.
- YOURS. Do it yourself, free or close to it. Walking the field, finding the lid, reading a water report, keeping the records.
- THEIRS. Pay somebody, and here's a rough range so you can tell a fair price from a bad one, plus what a good one actually does while they're there.
- NOBODY'S. Nobody should ever do this. Entering a tank is the one that matters most, and the book is blunt about it.
What's in it
What's in the 131 pages
- When the water stops: flowcharts for no water, a pump that won't shut off, short cycling and low pressure, each ending at a cause instead of a guess.
- Water testing made plain: what to test for and how often, how to take a clean sample, how to read the report when it comes back, and a shock-chlorination dose table.
- Your septic system from the inside: tank, baffles, filter, distribution box and field, drawn in cross-section — how often to pump, what a good pumper does, and why the additives on the shelf don't help.
- Finding your tank for free, without a locator and without digging the yard up.
- What ruins a system: what goes down the drain, too much water at once, sump pumps and gutters feeding the field, driving on it, and tree roots.
- Buying a house with well and septic: an inspection checklist, the questions to ask, and the answers that should make you walk.
What you get
Here's exactly what lands in your account.
- The Well & Septic Handbook — 131-page illustrated PDF, 12 chapters, 7 × 10 in
- The printable pack — the checklists and charts from the back of the book, sized to print
- Straight away — in your account the moment you pay, and emailed to you
- No copy protection — read it on any device, print it, keep it for good
Look inside
Four real pages
Click any page to enlarge it here. Nothing downloads.
The Well & Septic Handbook
$29 · PDF · 131 pages · Instant PDF download
The contents
Everything in the book
- Introduction: Nobody Paid Me to Tell Them
- 1. How It All Fits Together
- 2. Your Well
- 3. Testing Your Water
- 4. Water Problems
- 5. Pumps and Pressure
- 6. Winter
- 7. Your Septic System
- 8. Finding Your Tank for Free
- 9. Pumping and Inspection
- 10. What Ruins a Septic System
- 11. Warning Signs and Failure
- 12. Buying a House with Well and Septic
- Appendix A: The Maintenance Calendar
- Appendix B: Logs to Print
- Appendix C: Troubleshooting Tables
- Appendix D: Cards to Print
The details
- Format
- Illustrated PDF ebook, full color
- Length
- 131 pages, 12 chapters
- Page size
- 7 × 10 in – reads well on a tablet, computer or phone
- Printing
- Print any page for your own use. Checklists included.
- Copy protection
- None. Download it and keep it.
- Delivery
- Instant. Download straight after you pay.
Who it's for
This is for you if
- You own a house with a private well, a septic system, or both
- You're buying one, or you've just moved in
- You'd like to stop paying for the same problem twice
- You're in the US or Canada — the book says where to check your own state or province
It isn't for you if
- You want code tables and system design — that's a licensed designer's work, and the book sends you there
- You're on city water and sewer. Nothing here is for you
Who wrote it
I'm Gordy Lemke. Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin.
I wrote this because people out here get told what to buy and almost never get told what to look at. Kathy did the scheduling for twenty-five years and heard the same phone call a thousand times — somebody surprised by a thing their own yard had been telling them for a year.
Go walk your field.
Read it for 60 days. If it's not for you, I'll refund it.
Email support@oldhands.co within 60 days of buying and you get your money back in full. No questions, no forms, and you keep the file.
Before you buy
Questions
Will this work for my system?
The parts are the same everywhere, even when the yard isn't: well, pump, pressure tank, tank, field. Where local rules differ — and they do — the book tells you to check your state or province rather than pretending there's one answer.
Do I need tools?
For the YOURS jobs, a tape measure, a screwdriver, a flashlight and a willingness to walk your own lawn. That's it.
Is it just septic, or wells too?
Both, and how they sit together, which is the part most people are never shown.
How do I get it after I pay?
Checkout is handled by Whop, a payments company. The moment you pay, the PDF is in your Whop account to download, and the link is emailed to you as well. You can download it again any time.
Is this a printed book?
No. It's an ebook: a PDF you download straight after paying. You can print any page, or the whole thing, for your own use.
Will it open on my phone?
Yes. It's an ordinary PDF, so it opens on any phone, tablet or computer. A tablet or computer shows the pages best.
What if I don't like it?
Email support@oldhands.co within 60 days and you get a full refund. You don't need to give a reason.
The book
Cheaper than the cheapest surprise out here.
$29 once. The maintenance calendar, the pumping and water-test logs and the troubleshooting tables are in the back to print and keep in the house file.
- 131-page illustrated PDF, 12 chapters, 7 × 10 in
- the checklists and charts from the back of the book, sized to print
- in your account the moment you pay, and emailed to you
- read it on any device, print it, keep it for good
Instant PDF download · 60-day money-back guarantee
Nothing out here fails all at once. Go walk your field.